She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
