I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
