Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
