he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
