after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
