Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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