Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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