I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
and you fell through a lawn chair
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
