Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
