I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
