Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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