is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
