he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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