Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
