I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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