I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
