i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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