like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
