Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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