there's paper in my vomit.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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