Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
