so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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