So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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