You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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