dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
