Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
