Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
