OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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