he thought i was a dude.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
