You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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