Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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