you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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