You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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