Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
