The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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