Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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