My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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