so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
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That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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