She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
