They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
