Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
