You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
