people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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