I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
