there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
