Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Two words: nipple clamps
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