I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
