The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think i have herpe
just one?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
