Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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