Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
