some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize