I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
