I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
