i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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