Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
