so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
