just tell him i said nine months
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
