if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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