And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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