i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
