You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
