He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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