So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
