just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
