hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Houston, we have a squirter
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need water and some morals
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
