Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it glows. i had to have it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
