You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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