as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
