I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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