i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
