Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
