in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
