4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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