I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
