So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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