Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
