you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
