My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You've changed since you got that strap on
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
