So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
