Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
