there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize