she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
